Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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