I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
