Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
