Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
