I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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