I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
