I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
