How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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