I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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