Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
