she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
