We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
