I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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