1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You ruined the universe
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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