Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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