I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
