We won't sleep together?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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