I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
two words...techno handjob
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
