well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
