Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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