Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
