Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just googled if crying burns calories
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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