how can u be prego again
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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