The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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