you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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