I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
