i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
