normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
