It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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