My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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