This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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