Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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