Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
