I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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