Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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