We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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