nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
