I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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