South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
