dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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