I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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