And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
