It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize