Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
