fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
