I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
