i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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