literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
