And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am one with the molecules
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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