Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
