Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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