Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
