i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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