in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
