I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
