If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
