should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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