i just had sex bonerless
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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