I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
