I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my being single is dangerous.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
