Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
