everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
