Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
