that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
