dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize