That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
