I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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